Do you still remember the first song you heard? That one moment that ultimately changed your life? Unsuspecting, I stood in my favorite bookstore. It was time for the weekly acquisition of books. There it was, just like that on a cute little pile. The album Crecent by Gackt. Shrink-packed, of course. I remember picking it up and thinking [Hm … is that a man or a woman? Who is that?] And I thought about it really long. Because I used to buy books so often, I only had a certain budget for the week to spend on them. And this album pushed me to my budget limit. The standard was that I always left the shop with 2-3 new books. But if I bought this album, it would only be one book for this week. I found it difficult to decide. I mean, I didn’t know the artist. I didn’t know if his music was good and I would like it and for this uncertainty should I forego my beloved books for the week? They were all looking for a new home! (the books! :D) Then I put the album back aside and kept looking for new books. But I already noticed that I could no longer get involved so much in choosing new books. No book really interested me anymore, so I could have said: [Hey, I really want to read THAT!] I was standing at a loss in the bookshop and my eyes kept falling back on this album. So I decided to buy it. If I couldn’t find any interesting books anyway, I could safely buy this CD, despite the uncertainty whether I would like the artist or not. And that’s where it all started …
When I got to my apartment I was filled with anticipation, I didn’t know where it was coming from! I literally tore the foil off the album, took out the CD and put it in my player. Since I ran my playlist on //Random Tracks// before, it was still stored and instead of starting with the first track, my player jumped to track number 7. Lust for Blood THAT WAS IT! I stood rooted in the room, my jaw dropped and I couldn’t move. I just stood there paralyzed for the whole song and just listened to this arrangement of instruments and this voice that moved something deep inside me. When the song was over I noticed that tears were in my eyes. Confused, I wiped them away and was annoyed at myself for reacting to a song like that. I didn’t really notice the rest of the songs on the album. I was very busy analyzing myself. But since I couldn’t get any further, I played this one, very specific track again and sat on my bed. I listened to the music, I listened to myself and all I found was a longing that was greater than anything I had known in life before. A deep connection, this pain of being alone, this abysmal longing for this one moment … This voice from this artist evoked all these feelings in me. It took me a long time to recover from that first time with Gackt. I don’t think I’m a mentally unstable person myself, on the contrary. I’m self-critical and not exactly timid about that and sometimes I would see myself as emotionally dull, so it was all the more astonishing for me that this song aroused such emotions in me. And over the years it was still like that. This artist has accompanied me through my life from that moment on. There are times when I listen to his music every day until this longing grabs me. Then there are times again when I can no longer hear him, BECAUSE this longing grips me otherwise. But I know he (Gackt and his music) has become an important part of my life. He showed me what it means to really give everything and I am very grateful for that. What was your first time?
Sorry, but I just had to get rid of that. This memory has been buzzing around in my head for days and refuses to go away.
